Twas The Diet After New Years

Twas the day after New Years, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse

The cookies I’d nibble, the eggnog I’d taste
At all those holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber)

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared –
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I had never said, No thank you, please.

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as I only can
You can’t spend the winter disguised as a man!

Away with the last of the sour cream dip!
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip!
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Until all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie ? not even a lick!
I’ll want only to chew on an organic celery stick!
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore

But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!


Lanee passed this on from someone named miles davies – actual author unknown. thanks sweetie


scale flickr image

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